Not So Useful, But Often Used Assembly Code

Digging though my old emails again today and found this email joke sent to me in 1997 from a course mate of mine back then.

Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO, the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch). These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility.

Of course, we all know that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instructions. Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions.

These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.

ARGAgree to Run Garbage
BDMBranch and Destroy Memory
CMNConvert to Mayan Numerals
DDSDamage Disk and Stop
EMREmit Microwave Radiation
ETOEmulate Toaster Oven
FSEFake Serious Error
GSIGarble Subsequent Instructions
GQSGo Quarter Speed
HEMHide Evidence of Malfunction
IDDInhale Dust and Die
IKIIgnore Keyboard Input
IMUIrradiate and Mutate User
JPFJam Paper Feed
JUMJeer at Users Mistake
KFPKindle Fire in Printer
LNMLaunch Nuclear Missiles
MAWMake Aggravating Whine
NNINeglect Next Instruction
OBUOverheat and Burn if Unattended
PNGPass Noxious Gas
QWFQuit Working Forever
QVCQuestion Valid Command
RWDRead Wrong Device
SCESimulate Correct Execution
SDJSend Data to Japan
TTCTangle Tape and Crash
UBCUse Bad Chip
VDPViolate Design Parameters
VMBVerify and Make Bad
WAFWarn After Fact
XIDeXchange Instruction with Data
YIIYield to Irresistible Impulse
ZAMZero All Memory
PIPunch Invalid
POPIPunch Operator Immediately
RASCRead And Shred Card
RPMRead Programmers Mind
RSSCReduce Speed, Step Carefully (for improved accuracy)
RTABRewind Tape and Break
SPSWScramble Program Status Word
SRSDSeek Record and Scar Disk
WBTWater Binary Tree